December 3rd

December 3, 2015 is a day I will never forget. It's a day that changed my life. And every December 3rd since then reminds me of the great gift that life is.
At 9:00 p.m. 2 years ago, I was in the emergency room at Arkansas Children's Hospital. An hour later, I would be hooked up to an IV, and having an EKG done, and being asked a bunch of questions by the ER doctors, before finally getting admitted to a hospital room at 1 a.m.
The next morning, I met Dr. Jessica Moore. I have so many reasons to be thankful for her. She gently told me and my mom how much damage the eating disorder had done, and would continue to do, unless things changed very soon. She told me I would need residential treatment for 2 to 3 months. Now, let me tell you, I am the type of person who thinks out all possible scenarios to a situation. The thought of requiring treatment elsewhere NEVER crossed my mind. Not once. I thought I would stay in the hospital for a few days, then go home.This goes to show you how much an eating disorder can affect your mind, not just your body.
For the next 13 days, I stayed at ACH, slowly getting some of my energy back, while Dr. Moore and my parents researched treatment centers fairly close to Arkansas. I was able to leave on December 16th, only to have to go straight to residential in St. Louis, Missouri.
Now there is a reason I just told you all of this. I want to share a lesson that I learned. Those 2 weeks taught me something; something I had always taken for granted - that life is a gift. A precious gift from God. He gave His own Son so that we can live for Him. We were created to enjoy life. And yes, even though an e.d. isn't a choice, it IS a choice whether or not you decide to go through life that way. Because I can tell you, choosing to live that way is not what God wants for you. He doesn't want you tied down to unrealistic expectations for yourself. He has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and love, and of a sound mind ( 2 Timothy 1:7). He does not want us to base the way we live on how the world sees us, but on what He says. We are to be "living sacrifices" for God (Romans 12:1). We are to live for Him, pleasing Him by doing what He wants for us, not what the world tells us we need to do. We are commanded to TRUST HIM. We are to have faith OVER fear.
Faith over fear is a choice. An everyday choice. I wish I could say that I have chosen it every day the past 2 years, but I'm sorry to say I have not. But by the grace of God, I have the choice to choose it every day now. It's scary sometimes, but the reward is SO much greater than if I were to choose fear. The fears we don't face become our limits. This can be applied to all areas of life. Maybe it's being afraid to speak up for what you know is right; maybe you're considering a job or college out of state and don't know if you should take the risk; maybe it's introducing yourself to the new girl in school. Our fears and insecurities make themselves known in so many situations.  This is something I'm sure all of us struggle with, for some more than others. For me, it is a choice I have to choose every day, sometimes more than once. But, you know what? Choosing faith over fear means my faith in God is growing. Believing that He has a bigger plan for my life than my worldly fears ever could. And this December 3rd I am reminded of that. God is looking out for me. He has a plan. By His grace, I have made it this far, and with His help, I will choose faith over fear.