A New Year, A New Word

     I've noticed lately that in addition to having resolutions for the New Year, some people choose a word that they want to live by for that year.  I put a lot of thought into what I think my word should be for 2018.  The one that kept coming to mind? Joy.

     Joy is one of those self-descriptive words.  When you see or hear the word "joy", your thinking doesn't shift to rain clouds and gray skies. It thinks of things that make you happy, things that bring you joy.
     Here are some of my favorite quotes on joy:

    

 

 Joy is not always an easy choice, let me tell you.  Especially when things just don't seem to go our way.

We find ourselves asking, " How can I possibly be happy in a situation like this? Anyone else in my shoes would be complaining and getting upset! Why can't I do the same?

The truth is, we can still be upset over things that disappoint us.  Maybe you studied really hard for a test, and just didn't get the grade you were hoping for?  Maybe you chose to put your trust in someone, and things just didn't work out?  Maybe you had plans to go to a certain school, or apply for a certain job, just to get turned down?

Of course, any of these things would upset someone!  I'm not saying that when something bad happens, we just be unrealistic and tell others that it didn't upset us. We need to be okay with feeling the feelings of disappointment, so that we don't squash them down and ultimately end up more upset than we were.

There are so many Scriptures that I am learning, well-known and ones I had forgotten, that remind me that joy can always be found.

In Psalm 30:5 it says that "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning."

In Habakkuk 3:17-19, we're told that whatever we are going through, no matter how much things seem against us, "Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will JOY in the God of my salvation."

And in James 1:2-3, "My brethren, count it all JOY when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience."

Trials are not easy, but they can also teach us many lessons that we may never have learned otherwise. Speaking for myself, I feel like with each trial, I grow closer to my Heavenly Father. No matter what happens in this life, He is always faithful, He will never disappoint.

Nehemiah 8:10, "The JOY of the Lord is your strength."

The greatest gift I have been given on this earth is the opportunity to learn the Gospel. No matter what I am facing, as a Christian striving to do what is right, I have the promise of a home in Heaven. Forever! Do you know what a wonderful thought that is? 

Matthew 5:12, Luke 2:10, John 15:11, and 1 Peter 1:8 all give me this hope and a reason to live with joy in my heart.

These are some of the many reasons that I want joy to be such a big part of my life in 2018. I wish all of you a joy-filled and blessed 2018!💕

Christmas 2017

Merry Christmas! Christmas just happens to be my very favorite holiday. And even though I may not celebrate it in the way most people do, it is such an important day to me.
You see, I don't celebrate Christmas as Jesus' birthday. *Gasp!!!* The reason behind this, is that we were never told in the Bible to observe His birthday. We are not even told of his birth date.
In the Bible we are given all the knowledge we need to know in order to make it into Heaven. Nothing else matters, including when Jesus' birth date was.
Now, that is not to say that I'm not grateful that Jesus was born. On the contrary, I am beyond thankful that He came to this earth and ultimately gave His life for me so that I can live freed from sin. I try to make it a point every day to remember how blessed I am, not just on December 25th.
I do not say this to disrespect others for how they celebrate Christmas. I just wanted to point out some facts that come from the best source of knowledge in this world. And if you would like more research on this subject, please leave a comment below and I will be sure to contact you.
And once again, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night"!🎄

December 3rd

December 3, 2015 is a day I will never forget. It's a day that changed my life. And every December 3rd since then reminds me of the great gift that life is.
At 9:00 p.m. 2 years ago, I was in the emergency room at Arkansas Children's Hospital. An hour later, I would be hooked up to an IV, and having an EKG done, and being asked a bunch of questions by the ER doctors, before finally getting admitted to a hospital room at 1 a.m.
The next morning, I met Dr. Jessica Moore. I have so many reasons to be thankful for her. She gently told me and my mom how much damage the eating disorder had done, and would continue to do, unless things changed very soon. She told me I would need residential treatment for 2 to 3 months. Now, let me tell you, I am the type of person who thinks out all possible scenarios to a situation. The thought of requiring treatment elsewhere NEVER crossed my mind. Not once. I thought I would stay in the hospital for a few days, then go home.This goes to show you how much an eating disorder can affect your mind, not just your body.
For the next 13 days, I stayed at ACH, slowly getting some of my energy back, while Dr. Moore and my parents researched treatment centers fairly close to Arkansas. I was able to leave on December 16th, only to have to go straight to residential in St. Louis, Missouri.
Now there is a reason I just told you all of this. I want to share a lesson that I learned. Those 2 weeks taught me something; something I had always taken for granted - that life is a gift. A precious gift from God. He gave His own Son so that we can live for Him. We were created to enjoy life. And yes, even though an e.d. isn't a choice, it IS a choice whether or not you decide to go through life that way. Because I can tell you, choosing to live that way is not what God wants for you. He doesn't want you tied down to unrealistic expectations for yourself. He has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and love, and of a sound mind ( 2 Timothy 1:7). He does not want us to base the way we live on how the world sees us, but on what He says. We are to be "living sacrifices" for God (Romans 12:1). We are to live for Him, pleasing Him by doing what He wants for us, not what the world tells us we need to do. We are commanded to TRUST HIM. We are to have faith OVER fear.
Faith over fear is a choice. An everyday choice. I wish I could say that I have chosen it every day the past 2 years, but I'm sorry to say I have not. But by the grace of God, I have the choice to choose it every day now. It's scary sometimes, but the reward is SO much greater than if I were to choose fear. The fears we don't face become our limits. This can be applied to all areas of life. Maybe it's being afraid to speak up for what you know is right; maybe you're considering a job or college out of state and don't know if you should take the risk; maybe it's introducing yourself to the new girl in school. Our fears and insecurities make themselves known in so many situations.  This is something I'm sure all of us struggle with, for some more than others. For me, it is a choice I have to choose every day, sometimes more than once. But, you know what? Choosing faith over fear means my faith in God is growing. Believing that He has a bigger plan for my life than my worldly fears ever could. And this December 3rd I am reminded of that. God is looking out for me. He has a plan. By His grace, I have made it this far, and with His help, I will choose faith over fear.

Indiana-Bound

    Yes, I'm going to Indiana... for approximately 8 weeks.
    To make a long story short, I have been struggling with recovery.  Really struggling. Let me say that things are not nearly as bad as they were in 2015, but things could definitely be better.  I am not nearly as medically fragile as I was before either, but my body is still run-down and has to be healed.
    I will be going to Selah House in Anderson, Indiana.  It is a "Christian-based facility", so I am hoping things will be a lot calmer there than they were when I went to another facility in St. Louis a year and a half ago.
    I know that this is a good thing, that I will be much better physically and mentally because of it, but yes, it was still a VERY hard decision to make.  But this is what I need.  If it wasn't, then my doctors, parents and I would all agree that I don't need to go.  But I do.  To meet and be with others who are healing their bodies just like me will be super-helpful.  Having a medical team who can monitor closely from day to day what I need to heal my body and mind...will be super-helpful.  And having support from family and so many friends...will be super-duper helpful!
    I don't know exactly when I'll be home again, but I do know that I want to be better than I am right now.  With this eating disorder comes so much tiredness and anxiety.  I just cannot truly live life with this illness.  No one can.  I want to truly enjoy the life that God so graciously gave me.  He's giving me the chance to get well, and I have to take advantage of it, even if I have to go 7 hours away from home to do so.  I choose to see this upcoming experience as a blessing, although I know there will be times when it won't feel like it.
    I will have little or no internet access while I'm there, so I probably won't get to blog much, if any.  But I promise as soon as I get back home and settled, I will tell of my adventures!  Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers these next couple of months!

The "Joys" of House-Hunting

    My family has been looking for a new house on and off for 3 years.  Right now we live about an hour away from everywhere of importance - work, church, grocery shopping, and any place of entertainment.  At the time we bought the house we live in now, my dad had a job 30 minutes closer, church was 30 minutes closer, etc.  But now Dad has to drive an hour one way for the job he has now; same thing for church, same thing for everything, so it just makes sense to move closer to civilization.
    Eleven years ago, when we were moving from Georgia to Arkansas, looking for houses was fun for 8 year old me.  The thought of having a brand new house was exciting!  And if I was lucky, sometimes the homeowners would have a swingset in their backyard that Samuel and I could play on while Mom and Dad looked at the actual house.  I remember one house we looked at had a foosball table.  I still like foosball tables just for that reason!
    And riding with the 70 year old real estate agent was fun too.  I happened to be in the backseat one day when she (accidentally) rear-ended another agent's BRAND NEW white suv! She was quite the driver, that's for sure.
    But now I'm eleven years older, and house hunting is no fun!  What changed, you ask?  Now I'm old enough to have an opinion.  My parents WANT to hear my opinion - what bedroom I would like, do I like the location of the house, do I think it's big enough, etc, etc.  Honestly, I wouldn't mind just playing on the swingset while Mom and Dad choose the house!  I can almost guarantee I'll like what they choose anyway.
    And eleven years ago, I wasn't old enough to do a lot of packing/ boxing up stuff.  I did carry some boxes in to our current house, but Mom wasn't going to trust me with the fine china, that's for sure.  Eleven years ago, poor Mom and Dad had to pack up just about everything and move it 500 miles up the road, while Samuel and I stayed at our grandparents' house for the week and had a blast.  I didn't think about all the work my parents were having to do; I was having a great time!
    But now I'm eleven years older, and Samuel and I won't get to stay with my grandparents while Mom and Dad move.  We get to help with the joys of moving -  getting rid of junk, arguing what junk just has to be thrown away and what junk can go to the new house, cramming things into boxes - you know, the good stuff.
    Yes, I will be glad when we find a new house.  Once we get settled, and get to enjoy our shorter commutes, it will be awesome.  But actually looking for a new home and transporting all our stuff from our old house to the new? Well, it just isn't the fun it used to be☺

Quick Facts

Some of you might know a lot about me.  Others might not know a lot about me.  So here a few quick facts:

1.  I am 19, going on 20 years old.
2.  I was born in the summer, which is my least favorite season.  It's too hot!
3.  I am left-handed.
4.  My favorite time of year is mid-September through the end of the year.  Cool weather, the holiday season, I just love it.💝
5.  I have never been on a date.  I don't see the point in dating someone I'm not serious about, and therefore, wasting his time and mine.  Nope.
6.  My favorite subject in school was reading.  It's also my favorite hobby.
7.  Not surprisingly, my dream job is to work at a library.
8.  I am a member of the church ordained in the New Testament by Jesus Christ.
9.  My least favorite subject in school used to be science, but as I went through high school , it became math.  My opinion is that letters should never be allowed in math, ever.  Math should be strictly limited to numbers.
10.  I do not have a favorite book.  That's like asking someone to name their favorite child.
11.  I was homeschooled from preschool through 12th grade.  No, I am not socially deprived, but thank you for your concern!
12.  I only have one sibling, a 15 year old brother named Samuel.
13.  My parents were married almost nine years before I was born.  They wanted a house of their own  before they had kids.
14.  I have lived in Arkansas for 11 years.  I spent the first 7 years and 9 months of my life in Georgia.
15.  I have a long traveling list, but my dream vacation is to go to Jamestown, New York, hometown of Lucille Ball.  It's the "country" part of New York, not the suburby (is that a word?) side of the state.

"500"

"FIVE HUNDRED"

    That's one of the first things that came to mind when I woke up this morning.  Most people probably woke up thinking, "Oh yeah, today is Easter!" But not me.  "500 what?" you're probably wondering.  500 days of recovery - recovery from an eating disorder.

   Most of you who know me also know that I had been diagnosed with an eating disorder in December 2015 and have been recovering, but I don't really talk about it.  I have thought long and hard about addressing this, but I feel like it's something that needs to be shared.  I know there are people out there recovering who choose not to share their story, and that's fine, but it's different for me.  I've often wondered why this happened, why I'm dealing with this, and I still don't know.  I may not ever know.  But maybe, just maybe, this is one of the reasons.  To raise awareness. To educate people about them.  Because, unfortunately, it is an illness that is not talked about enough.  Too many people do not understand.  They are uneducated about it, and misinformed.  That's not their fault.  It's just something that's not discussed openly.

    No one knows EXACTLY what causes eating disorders.  I don't know, and I've gone through one!  There are many factors - genetics, society, etc.; and everyone's case is different.  One thing that I've learned - there is no blueprint for an eating disorder.  Each person's experience is different.

   I would love to be able to tell you that I'm recovered, but I'm not.  I'm recovering.  There's a difference, trust me.  I have good days, and I have bad days.  There are some days when I make progress, and some days when I'm tempted to not eat enough.  I wish I could just flip a switch and everything would be okay, but it's not that easy.  Recovery is not a matter of months; it can take several years.  Recovery is HARD WORK.  It is the hardest thing I've ever experienced, and I'm told, will probably ever experience.  But I'm also told it's worth it.  All the pain, sweat, and tears - it's worth it once you get to the finish line.  I still have a ways to go.  Sure, I've made leaps and bounds, but I am still healing.  Physically, I am MUCH better, but I'm not 100%.  Surprisingly, my body is still having to repair itself.  I am also better mentally, but I definitely have to work on regaining a healthy mindset about food and making sure I don't restrict.
   If you're curious about my recovery experience, you can ask me how I'm doing; I won't act embarrassed or offended.  I'll be truthful; I may not always open up as much as I could, but I will tell you the truth.
   If you're reading this, and you (or someone you know) is struggling with an eating disorder, PLEASE seek medical treatment.  Believe me when I tell you that it is a serious, potentially life-threatening illness that can do destructive things to your body if left untreated.  It's not something to be taken lightly.  Also, rely on faith, family, and friends for strength and support.  It's not always easy (it's sometimes impossible!) to explain exactly how you're feeling or what you're going through, but I'm sure there has to be at least one person you know who will listen to you and help you.
   I promise, this blog won't be just about recovery; I'll cover other areas of my life as well.  But I felt this was something that needed to be covered too.  I hope everyone had a good Easter, and has a great week (: